


When The Pain Lingers

by Gilygirlo



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Depression, Fake AH Crew, Fluff and Angst, GTA AU, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Ray-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 05:30:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4734353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilygirlo/pseuds/Gilygirlo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray develops some suicidal tendencies and the boys are worried.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When The Pain Lingers

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains mentions of suicide and depression. Even though no death actually takes place, if you're triggered by this please don't read.  
> Thank you~  
> Mod Xiaobao

"Ray how are we supposed to take care of you keep lying to us like this?!"

The six men had all gathered around a bedridden Ray. Gavin and Michael were sitting on the bed with him. Michael was stroking his hair gingerly in an attempt to comfort the tan boy who was obviously in some kind of pain.  
It's the third near death experience Ray had had this month. Although this time wasn't as close as some of the others he was still hurt pretty bad. Just a few gunshot wounds, which normally he could handle, but this time he'd also shattered his ankle whilst trying to land a jump out of a third story window. He'd caused even more damage by forcing himself to run just long enough to get away from the police. His escapes were becoming more and more dangerous and risky and less effective when it actually came to getting away.

"What were you thinking?!" Geoff's hoarse voiced was raised at Ray. Jack stepped towards the eldest, putting his large hand on the small of Geoff's back trying to coax him into calming down.

"I wasn't." His voice was almost a whisper.

"We hardly ever see you anymore x-ray!" Tears started welling up in Gavin's large eyes. "You're out all night doing god knows what...Christ alive Ray you come home and you absolutely reek of liquor!"

"You don't even like beer Ray! What the fuck is going on man?!" Michael was getting angry. Ray could tell, the way his presence heated up around Ray suddenly.

"Ray, you could have died." Ryan's stern voice rose above the chatter of the other men and the room fell silent.

"Well maybe I wanted to...." Ray's eyes fell down to his hands, scraped and bloody. He doesn't know why he said that. They wouldn't care anyways right? He felt so stupid for saying something so ridiculous and he immediately regretted the words as he felt every pair of eyes in the room bore into him. Burning him.

"Excuse me?"

Geoff charged at the Puerto Rican, taking a fist full of Ray's bloodied shirt in his hand. Ray's back arched off the bed as Geoff lifted him and he felt his stitches stretch and pull at his skin. His eyebrows knitted together at the pain but he never looked away from Geoff's eyes. They looked angry sure but there was something else hidden there that Ray couldn't quite place himself.

"Geoff calm down." Jack was pulling the shorter man off of Ray by his shoulders, but Geoff was fighting against him. Hard.

"No! What the fuck did you just say?!"

"I SAID I WANTED TO DIE OKAY?!"

The room fell eerily silent once more when Ray's voice cracked mid scream. He felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks, burning his cuts and scrapes, making him wince at the discomfort.

"Why x-ray?" Gavin's voice was soft and barely audible. His hands were covering his face and he wasn't facing any one of them in particular, most likely trying to hide the fact that he was sobbing. Ray reached out to touch Gavin. To comfort him. But what could he do. He brought his hand up to his own face instead and wiped to the tears away from his eyes with hard rubs of his palm.

"I just...fuck man I don't know...I just do." The room fell silent as they all listened to Ray's heartbreaking testimony "Everything is so stressful and draining. I wake up and everything I do feels like there's no purpose to it...I'm just here being useless and I hate it. Even though I know you guys love me...I just feel so alone...I'm sorry."

Ryan sat on the edge of the bed next to Ray and wrapped the smaller man in his muscular arms, his embrace warm and welcoming. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Ray whimpered out apologetically. Ray rattled off tear filled apologies into Ryan's shoulder while the other's started closing in around them. His face heated up and became beat red as his own words sank in and he felt guilty. He didn't want them to worry about him like this. Ray didn't want to risk them getting hurt because they were worried about him. He didn't feel like he was important enough to protect. He was embarrassed. He tried to stop the words from falling out of his mouth, thinking that if he had just kept quiet they wouldn't be making a fuss about him, and he could just slip away like he'd originally intended. He forced himself to stop talking, fearing that he'd reveal too much. He wanted to crawl into the deepest darkest hole and hide away from them. He felt their eyes on him and they burned. He wanted to disappear. To stop existing. Just long enough for everyone he knew and loved to forget about him completely. To erase himself from their minds so that he never crossed their minds.

"Buddy it's okay...you're okay...shh." Michael had taken Ray's face in his hands and started peppering his face with soft kisses. Wiping away the moisture from his reddened cheeks.

They all had different ways of comforting the youngest.

Michael continued to kiss all over Ray's face, only stopping to look directly at the boy's face. Making sure that he was still okay with being held by the ginger. His lips were growing more chapped by the minute but he didn't care. All he wanted was for his boyfriend to feel safe and loved.

Gavin had wrapped his legs around Ray's torso and clung to his side like a child hiding from a frightening mascot. He lay his head on Ray's shoulder and wept softly into the scratchy purple hoodie. Gavin nuzzled his face every now and again to wipe his own tears away from his eyes, hoping that no one would see that he was actually crying.

Ryan stayed close, rubbing small circles into his back with his strong hands. whispering kind encouragements to the wounded boy. Ryan was never sure how far to take his attempts to comfort his boyfriends in their times of need, but he assumed that giving them space is what they needed.

Jack had left the room for for maybe two minutes before he came back with an extra blanket, a sandwich, a glass of milk and a wet rag. He placed the blanket around Gavin and Ray since the brit had refused to leave Ray's side. Ray took the food greedily but only nibbled on it as Jack came over wiped down his face and neck with the cold rag. The boy's face was less puffy and the redness went away slowly but he still retained a faint amount of color in the apples of his cheeks.

Geoff had calmed down fairly quickly. He placed his hand on Ray's knee, his grip firm and heated.

"We're gonna get you the help you need okay, baby?" His voice was low but clear.

"Okay..."

"Okay boy's let's bring it in c'mon." Geoff gestured everyone over with his hands.

A few whines came from Michael but he ended up being the one who hugged Ray the tightest. All the warm bodies in the room piled on top of Ray, Surrounding him with their soft whispers of "I love you, Ray."

"Alright alright c'mon you guys are gonna crush me."

"Fine fine fine." Ryan blurted out in rapid succession.

They all rose from the bed except Gavin who seemed to be getting sleepier by the minute considering how he had a growing blank expression spread across his face.

"You wanna play some smash, buddy?" Michael had fished out his 3ds and was holding Ray's out to him. He took it thankfully and moved Gavin's head so that it rested on his thigh. They played for an hour or two before everyone grew groggy from tiredness. They all attempted to sleep on the bed that night with Ray in the middle. Ray wasn't really all that comfortable considering how his small body was smashed between the two largest members of their harem, Ryan and Jack, but he fell asleep quickly none the less. Only to be awakened by a loud thud, which was Geoff falling out of the bed.

Ray heard him grumble something like "Why do I always have to sleep on the edge?" before traveling over to the other side of the bed to wake up Gavin.

"Wot?" the brit's voice sounded dry.

"I don't want to be the only one that got kicked out of the bed c'mon."

"But you are the only one that got kicked ow-!" There was a soft thump, probably Geoff flicking Gavin on the forehead. "Fine fine I'm comin."

He climbed over Michael who filled in the empty space by scooting closer to Jack. The two men closed the door quietly behind them so they wouldn't wake up anyone else. Ray sat up in his spot on the bed rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His stitches burned and his muscles ached, but his ankle is what hurt the most. The cast was heavy on his shattered bones but he still tried to get out of bed. 'I could leave right now. They'd be so much happier without me. I could just slip away right now and they'd never be the wiser.' Ray's thoughts circled violently in his mind and he felt tears surfacing in his eyes. He wiped them away quickly before attempting to hop off the bed.

Suddenly Ryan's large calloused hand wrapped around the other man's arm, just above the elbow, effectively stopping Ray in his tracks. Ray froze and turned to look at Ryan whose face was still buried in his pillow. He shifted slightly to say something to Ray.

"Where are you going?" Ryan croaked.

"To get some water." He lied.

"Don't lie to me Ray. I always know when you're lying, and don't think i won't smack you just because you're injured."

Ray stayed silent, not wanting to dig an even bigger hole for himself. Ryan pulled him back down into the warmth of the covers and held Ray tightly against his chest. The smaller man curled up close to Ryan, allowing Ryan to place rest his chin lightly on top of his head. Ryan pet the younger's hair gingerly as he whispered. 

"You know I love you right? We all love you Ray. You wouldn't leave us just like that right? I don't know what I'd do without you...please Ray. I love you." His normally solid, strong voice seemed to collapse as he confessed to Ray. His voice slightly wavered and he swallowed hard in between a few words.

Ray only nodded into Ryan's chest. He gripped the older's t-shirt in his fists to keep himself from sobbing again. Ray wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. Not because he was angry or sad but because he felt loved and appreciated. For the first time in a while, someone's words felt real to Ray. They had weight and meaning. Ray felt the words way heavy on his heart and they traveled throughout his body, warming every part of him. Even though the words were heavy, they were a different kind of heavy. He hadn't felt like there was a weight that was lifted off his shoulders but instead something was replaced. Something knew weighed down on him and he didn't mind it at all.

He fell asleep listening to Ryan's heartbeat, slow but strong in his chest. Ray thought that maybe he would stay healthy for them. For the men that loved him. To him that was something he could live for. If nothing else, he would stay alive a little longer just for them.


End file.
